This is How I Disappear
by justification to wormtail
Summary: What if, on that night in the Department of Mysteries, Remus followed Sirius? What if they somehow found a way to get back? AU Complete
1. falling

This is How I Disappear

By justification to wormtail

Summary: What if, on that night in the Department of Mysteries, Remus Lupin took leave of his senses and followed Sirius Black through the Veil? What if they somehow managed to return?

A/N: this has nothing to do with my other fic, I had gotten this idea before the other and I've really been wanting to type and post it on the site. It will not interfere with the writing of _Quills_ as I am writing and posting it all over the weekend.

Disclaimer: the characters in the Harry Potter books belong to me only in my imagination, otherwise they belong to JKR. The title is from a song by My Chemical Romance.

Last note: if somebody has already typed a story along the same lines as this one, please notify me so that I will can remove this fic from the site as soon as possible, I do not mean to steal someone else's idea/plot.

Thank you! – nicole

Begin chapter one

0000OOO0000

It's been fourteen years…

0O0

_Only one couple was still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival…_

0O0

Fourteen long years…

0O0

_Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light: He was laughing at her…_

0O0

The pain is still so new…

0O0

"_Come on, you can do better than that!"_

0O0

He missed so much…

0O0

_The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest…_

0O0

So much that he would never know, never learn…

0O0

_The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock…_

0O0

There was so much that he had still wanted to achieve…

0O0

_His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backward through the ragged veil…_

0O0

And he was leaving…

0O0

"_NO!"_

0O0

Nothing will ever compare to that scream…

0O0

"_SIRIUS!"_

0O0

The sorrow will never be duplicated…

0O0

"_YOU PROMISED!"_

0O0

Like a thorn pierced heart…

0O0

_Lupin was sprinting fast as a wolf giving chase to prey towards the dais…_

0O0

It was ironic…

0O0

_Tears were streaming down his face, flying past him…_

0O0

The pure love etched onto their features…

0O0

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!"_

0O0

Because of her my father was gone…

0O0

_Lestrange gave no cry…_

0O0

Their eyes were pleading…

0O0

_Hands reaching for a hold…_

0O0

Eternal slumber…

0O0

"_I've got you…I've got you…"_

0O0

A whisper that was the echo of a shout of despair…

0O0

"_Don't leave me…"_

0O0

A plea that was a cry for mercy…

0O0

_Worried smiles of a shared passion…_

0O0

Time was at an end…

0O0

"_I've got you…"_

0O0

The curtains gave a slight swish…

0O0

_And the lovers disappeared…_

0O0

It took forever…

0O0

_Glasses shattered on the floor…_

0O0

It all happened so slowly…

0O0

"_Harry, please," Dumbledore pleaded, "we've got to finish this…_

0O0

And it was all over in a single heartbeat…

0000OOO0000

_End chapter one_

…


	2. arrival

This is How I Disappear

By justification to wormtail

Begin chapter two

0000OOO0000

'_DING'_

"Daddy, somebody's at the door!"

"I know, pumpkin."

"James, please go answer the door for your father."

"Why me?"

"Because Lily's still too short to reach the handle, Daddy's working on some paper for the Ministry, and I've got my hands full with Al over here."

"No, it's okay Ginny. I'm expecting a package to arrive with something special…that might be it right now."

"But James needs to learn responsibility!"

"By opening a door?" Harry looked up at his wife in amusement. Ginny was standing before him with one hand on her hip, the other supporting the weight of a slightly pudgy one year old. Her lips were pursed in a very Molly-like manner. Harry raised his eyebrows at her. Ginny smiled slightly and rolled her eyes.

"Fine, maybe not responsibility," she said. "But he does need to learn to do what we ask of him."

"More like order," the parents heard their eldest son mutter as he passed through the sitting room towards the front door. His younger sister, Lily, skipped after him, humming merrily. Harry groaned as he stretched back, Ginny sat down next to him on the dark burgundy sofa staring at the writing on the laptop's screen.

"What's going on this time?" she asked gently as Harry picked Albus out of her hands and began bouncing him on his knee. He didn't answer for a bit, just smiled as his son squealed in delight.

"One of the Unspeakables from the Department is claiming that they saw two young children in the room with the veil a couple of nights ago," he swallowed. "Everyone's pretty worried that if there _were_ any children that they fell past the curtains. So far there isn't any evidence supporting Lavender's story though."

Ginny's eyes widened in surprise, "Lavender Brown became an Unspeakable?"

Harry grinned wryly at her, "yeah, got me real good too when I found out that I had to question her about it." He glanced down tenderly at the gurgling baby in his lap. "I wish that Dumbledore was still alive, he'd know what to do…"

"Harry, you know that that isn't true. He would have told you that it was your job, that you know what you're doing, and that you'll figure it out if you just put your mind to it." She said, gently tickling Albus under the chin.

"Or to just ask Hermione," he grinned excitedly and handed his child back to his wife. "You know, I think I'll just floo her now, see if she can help…"

"No Harry," said Ginny firmly, pushing him back down onto the sofa by the shoulder. "You will not bother her with stuff like this when she's seven months pregnant; remember how she burst out in tears last time someone mentioned something that had to do with the veil?"

"Yeah," said Harry dejectedly, "I won't breath a word. And I promise that if I do I'll buy you two whatever you want."

"Good, I'll hold you to that," Ginny smiled.

"DAD!" James's voice rang from the front room. "Dad, people are here for you!"

"Well he took long enough, poor folks probably know double about Quidditch than they did when they rang the bell." They laughed. Harry stood up and straightened his clothes before walking out of the doorway. Ginny followed with baby Albus once again being balanced on one hip.

0000OOO0000

Harry didn't really know who he was expecting to be waiting at the door with his first two children, but it certainly wasn't two boys who seemed to be his son's age. Eleven. The two Potter children, Lily or James, Harry didn't know, it could have been both – it didn't matter, one of them had invited the two other children to come inside.

James was bouncing up and down, almost looking more elated than he did on the day when his Hogwarts letter arrived. Lily was leaning on the stairwell banister and eyeing the newcomers critically. Her light blue eyes blazing in concentration, James pushed his glasses up his nose repeatedly as they kept on sliding down; his forest green orbs were alight in his excitement.

"Ehem," Harry cleared his throat, the two strangers looked up startled. They had been sitting on the third step hunched over, close together and whispering fiercely about something. Now they just looked slightly embarrassed. "Hello, um…sorry if this seems rude to you, but do your parents know that you're here?" The two boys exchanged a quick glance and nodded their heads simultaneously at Harry.

The black haired boy looked as though he was close to tears as he looked at the small family. Lily had moved closer to her mother and was now hugging her leg for protection, Ginny was clutching her baby with both hands and Harry had dropped a hand on top of his son's head to still him.

"It's so good to see you again Harry," the boy whispered. Harry and Ginny looked at each other, each silently asking the other whether or not they remembered the boy.

"Umm, I'm sorry, but I can't recall ever meeting you before," said the man with an apologetic smile. The boy's watery eyes instantly became dry. He stared at The Boy Who Lived with his mouth gaping open and silvery-blue eyes wide in shock and disbelief.

"Bu-but, how can you not remember!? You've known me for years! Ages!" He pointed a finger at his face. "How can you not remember this? It's pretty unique don't cha think?"

The other boy looked immensely embarrassed at his companion's behavior. He took out a rubber band and tied his long, auburn shaded hair back. When he looked up at Harry, his deep amber eyes were apologetic. The man had a funny feeling that he had seen those eyes on someone before.

"I mean, I've known you since you were a baby for Merlin's sakes!" At this the auburn haired boy elbowed his friend hard in the side as he growled at him.

"Shut up _Hesperos_!" he hissed and Harry had a distinct feeling that they were using code names. "Do you want us to get caught?"

'Hesperos' glared at the other boy. "Of course I don't, _Lares_. Do you really think that little of me these days?" he asked in offended tone. Ginny looked at Harry worriedly, was it possible that these boys had a mental issue?

"Of course I don't," 'Lares' scoffed, "but don't you remember what I told you about the word _subtlety_, or easing up to the moment _slowly_?"

"Well, yeah of course, you practically force me to listen to everything you say ever since the vei-I mean incident-thing-mabob." Harry noticed that both boys flinched at the slip-up. "But sometimes being blunt is important too. Like in this instance, we need to be forward with each other."

"We already are smart-one. But sometimes being blunt can really hurt a relationship, like for example…" the boy racked his mind for an incident that would help prove his point. James and Lily looked on, wanting to ask questions but not wanting to disrupt the banter in case they missed a chance to gain some information on the two slightly mad eleven-year-olds.

"Got it!" Lares snapped his fingers. "For example that time in sixth year when Peter asked you, me and James what we thought of his cow of a girlfriend and you said what you really thought about her and he didn't talk to you for like, two weeks and he missed full moon? –"

"Ahh, Lares," said Hesperos in a frightened tone as he prodded his friend on the shoulder. He had noticed how ridged Harry's form had gone when the other boy had mentioned sixth year. Lares just brushed Hesperos's finger away, frowning at him.

"Not now, Padfoot," he said angrily, "I'm trying to get a point across."

"Padfoot…" whispered Harry. And he looked at the two young boys with astonishment clearly written across his face. It was then that 'Lares' realized what he had done.

0000OOO0000

End chapter two


	3. realization

This is How I Disappear

By justification to wormtail

A/N: I'd just like to thank ellesra, Bottlebrush and Nic for reviewing the story, so thank-you so very much! And your questions will be answered in due time, Bottlebrush. I'm sorry if the first chapter sorta got all mixed up…the italics were supposed to be like memories of what happened that day, some were direct excerpts from the book, and the normal print was supposed to be what Harry thought and felt about what happened after he began to come to terms with it.

The avada kedavra part was Harry killing Bellatrix Lestrange for making Sirius go through the veil. _Because of her my father was gone…_ That was the reason that Harry came up with for using the curse on her, he saw Sirius as his father figure since James died.

_Their eyes were pleading…_Remus and Sirius silently willing each other to stay strong. _Eternal slumber…_ Harry thought that they had died after they fell through. _Time was at an end…_kind of like Harry's whole world crashing down around him because he was the cause of two more 'deaths'. And it was like a cacophony of everything because time itself had both slowed down and speeded up during the battle. Those, I think, are some of the more confusing lines.

It might take me more than a weekend to finish this story; I'm planning on having it be about six or so chapters long.

**Disclaimer: the characters belong to JKR as do the non-existent places mentioned and such**_. _**Actually, some of the characters who you've never heard of before belong to me.**

I've decided that I'm changing the rating to T because of future language and situations.

Begin chapter three

0000OOO0000

Harry's face paled immensely as he looked at the two frightened boys sitting on his steps before him. Ginny looked nervous as she shifted Albus's weight onto her other hip. James wiggled and squirmed out of the tight grasp that Harry held on his head. Lily let go of her mother's jean-clad leg and took and few shuffled steps towards her older brother.

"So Lavender wasn't lying," Ginny whispered with a small laugh lacing through the words, "she really did see two little kids in the Department of Mysteries." Harry turned angrily towards her.

"NO!" he yelled. "NO, she's lying!"

"Harry, stop," said his wife gently, "stop, you're frightening the children."

"She's lying," the man repeated, voice cracking slightly.

"And how do you know that Harry," asked the black haired boy, Hesperos, _Sirius_.

"I know that," answered the man through gritted teeth, "because you two are _dead_!"

"Harry, there's never been any evidence that the creatures that fall through the veil die," said Remus with a worried expression.

Harry turned on him. "I saw it with my own eyes, Remus! You two fell right through, right after I used the curse." He began to pace back and forth between his family and the two boys, tears welled up in his eyes. "Right after I killed Lestrange."

Sirius looked at Ginny in surprise. "My cousin's dead?"

She nodded her head and for a brief moment it looked like Sirius was distraught.

"Good."

The boy spoke firmly as he stood up with clenched hands. "That's good," he repeated. Sirius jumped down over the last two steps, landing directly in front of Harry. "I'm not dead." He said forcefully to the man.

"_Yes you are_!"

"Can you even hear yourself speaking?" Snarled Sirius. "Telling someone that they're dead when they're directly in front of you! In flesh and blood? People will think that you're mad, Harry, _mad_."

"You're just a figment of my imagination!" the tears were pouring down his face now, his nose was running, but he didn't care…all that mattered now was that he was losing it. Everything.

"And Ginny can see us too, and your _kids_," snapped Remus, getting angry. "Your kids as well Harry, the ones who've never even seen a picture us before, eh?"

Ginny looked frightened as she handed Albus to James and told them to go outside until she fetched them. "R-Remus?"

His blazing eyes softened as she spoke the name that now sounded so foreign on her tongue. "Yes, Ginny?"

"Is it really you?" she asked as tears escaped their prison. "Truly you?"

"Yes."

And that word was all it took for her to break down completely. One of the strongest women that the three in the room had ever met reduced to helpless tears by that single, lonesome word. She collapsed into the arms of her husband, shaking uncontrollably and unaware that her cries reached the ears of her waiting children.

"_Go_."

Harry snarled that word at his godfather and ex-professor. He looked as though he would forcefully remove them if need be, Sirius stood defiantly as Remus looked at the man pityingly.

"Harry," Sirius said in a barely constrained voice, "see sense. It's us, we're here, we're back."

"_I SAID GO!" _roared Harry, a fresh batch of tears clouding his vision. "_LEAVE __NOW__!"_

So they did.

"It's just a bad dream," Harry whispered into his wife's brilliant red hair, "that's all. There's nothing to worry about, love. It's just a dream…I just dozed off while working on that paper…" Ginny knew that he was trying to convince himself of what he was saying, and they both knew that it was a lie.

They really were back.

0000OOO0000

"Well that's that then," said Ron as he rubbed his hands together, "everything that happened during the war's finally caught up with me. I've gone mental."

"Uh, Ron," said Hermione, tentatively laying a hand on his shoulder. "I don't think that you've lost it, I heard what they said too."

"Well that just makes you crazy as well 'mione."

"Look, Ronald," said Sirius impatiently. It was half an hour after the encounter with the Potters; and it had taken Remus twenty-five of those minutes just to calm Sirius down. "You're not mad, mental, crazy, whatever, it really is us."

Ron frowned at him as he thought. "But you look like you'd be starting at Hogwarts in September. You look like you're the same age as the twins." At this he pointed towards two of the children who were sitting at the old table and watching their parents with interest. Both of them had straight, deep red locks that flew down to just below their elbows. The two sisters exchanged a look that clearly said that they had no idea why their father was pointing at them.

"That's just the thing, Ron," said Remus as though they were in class and he was simply correcting something that one of the students had said. "We _look_ like we're eleven, but we're not. Not truly."

"Although in a slight sense we are," added Sirius.

"But how is that possible?" asked Hermione with a furrowed brow, she removed her hand from her husband's shoulder and brought it down to rest on her pregnant belly. "How did you two even manage to get back? Everything that ever went through that veil disappears and doesn't return, you two are the first."

Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. What's your take on it Remus?"

The boy sighed and slumped over. "Well, first of all, it was sort of like we were in another world…But we could still see everything that happened here after we went through that bloody veil. It was very, very cold, nobody could see us, it…it was like we were ghosts but we weren't."

"What made you think that you were in another world?" asked Ron cautiously.

Both of the boys looked him square in the face and it was Remus who spoke first.

"Quite a simple conclusion really," he said softly.

"James and Lily were there…" Sirius's whisper was barely audible.

0000OOO0000

End chapter three

I'll try to get the other chapters up as soon as I can.


	4. moderate issues

This is How I Disappear

By justification to wormtail

A/N: This chapter delves a bit into the memories of Remus and Sirius.

Disclaimer: not mine except for most of the second generation of Weasleys that appear in this story.

Begin chapter four

0000OOO0000

"It. Has. Been. An. Entire. Bloody. WEEK!"

"Sirius, stop hitting your head against the wall, you'll just end up breaking it again. Oh, and by the way, do you happen know where my book is?"

"But it's true, Remus, completely and utterly true and he _still_ refuses to believe us!"

"Well that's because he, like Ron, thinks that he's either gone mad or just dozed off."

"For a week?"

"Well they always did try to copy off my work during school, so they must be a bit dense…"

"Hermione? Is Ginny with you today?"

"No Sirius," the pregnant witch sighed, then realized something. "Why the hell did you two turn all of the lights off?" The two lamps sitting on small tables on either side of the bed flickered to life. "Please don't tell me that you've been doing anything adult rated."

"Alas, no." said Sirius dramatically as he threw himself down onto the bed. "Moony refuses to while we're still in our eleven-year-old bodies." Hermione wrinkled her nose and nudged a stray shirt into a pile of dirty clothes sitting next to the door.

"Did you even take the children into consideration Remus?" She looked around in confusion. "Where is he?"

"Under here," the muffled voice came from underneath the bed. "_Yes_, found it! And no," Remus added as he slid out into the room, "Sorry Hermione, I didn't. But we would have used a silencing spell."

"How? You two don't have any wands on you." She looked at the two boys in confusion.

"Wand-less magic, non-verbal spells," Sirius grinned upside-down at the witch as he hung half of his body off the foot of the bed. "They're truly a blessing to be counted my dear." he winked and Hermione rolled her eyes at the boy.

"Look, I came up here to ask you about your condition," she said. "The school year starts in one week and I was wondering how long you two would be stuck at this age." Remus's expression darkened.

"Until the anniversary," he said. "Then we'll be twelve. And the year after we'll be thirteen, then fourteen, and fifteen."

"So what you're saying is," Hermione started.

"That we have to go through puberty _again_!"

"No Sirius, that's _not_ what I'm saying."

"You're telling me that you're living the cycle again, the cycle of life starting at eleven?"

"If you trim it down a little that's the general idea."

"When we arrived in the other world we were babies again," Sirius said somberly, "James and Lily had been watching the fight with others through the veil, it was the dead that Harry, Neville and Luna had heard then. You, Ron and Ginny couldn't because you hadn't seen somebody die right in front of your eyes."

"A bit like thestrals really," Remus added.

"Alright," said Hermione as her brow furrowed, "but if you two fell through the veil fourteen years ago and on the other side you were infants again and you're still aging, then why do you look like you're eleven?"

"Well what I think is that time just goes more slowly for life there," said Remus. "Because the spirits weren't aging one bit, it was just us."

"So that proves that we weren't dead," chimed Sirius, "just that nobody could see us. We were still solid figure-object-thingies and we could still move things around."

"Okay, but you had said before that you were still here, as in stepping on the ground alongside us, right?" The two nodded simultaneously. "Then how come you didn't know that Lestrange and Dumbledore were dead?"

"_DUMBLEDORE'S DEAD!?" _

Hermione groaned and hit her forehead. "Sorry, I thought that you two knew…"

"N-no," Remus stuttered, tears welled up in his eyes. "He can't be dead, can he?"

"Oh boy," Sirius whispered as he slid off the bed and hugged his companion, resting his chin on top of the lycanthrope's head. "It's alright Remus; he's in a good place now, better than before. He wouldn't want you to linger in the past."

Remus sniffed and nodded his head, lower lip trembling dangerously. "I know," the boy asserted, "I shouldn't wallow in self-pity." He looked up at Hermione's confused face and gave a watery half-smile. "My parents were murdered at the beginning of the first war with Voldemort," he explained. "I was twelve and they had been my only family left. Dumbledore took me in and treated me like his own son as well as his equal…he became my father and I suppose that he still is my father in a sense, only dead. Just like my first one."

"Oh…"

Hermione wanted to say more but found that she couldn't, so she took leave of the room and apparated down the two flights of stairs that she wouldn't have been able to navigate otherwise. Crouching in front of the fireplace, the witch tossed a handful of floo powder into the flames.

"_Ginny!_" she hissed loudly. "C'mon Ginevra, I need to talk to you!" A girl with bright red hair peeked around the corner and let out an exited squeal when she saw her mother's head in the fireplace. Hermione groaned as she realized that Ginny must be out shopping and Ron had sneaked over to the Potter residence with the children. _"HAROLD JAMES POTTER, RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!! YOU TWO GET YOUR BUTTS OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!!"_

On cue the two fully-grown men scurried into the den with the equally guilty expressions of small children getting caught doing something naughty on their faces. They tripped over each other while trying to get to the fireplace first and explain themselves. Ron looked up and grinned at his wife who raised an eyebrow in response.

"It was all Harry's fault, love," he explained cheerfully. Harry ran a hand through his already messy hair as he looked away. He was sitting on top of Ron, the redhead was lying sprawled on his stomach, facing Hermione and seemingly oblivious to the ten laughing children who had followed them into the messy room. "He wanted to talk about the two time travelers."

Harry glared down at his best friend and forcefully kicked him in the side. "Ow, low-blow, Potter," Ron grunted through gritted teeth. "Wow – you know that actually hurt!" The kids giggled at the two.

"Really now, Harry," Hermione said disapprovingly as she stepped through into the Burrow, "in front of the children? Merlin, how many of them are over?" Ron tried to get up, but Harry wouldn't budge from his position.

"Well Molly's gone shopping with Ginny for the day," the black haired man answered. "Getting some gifts for the kids or something like that; and George had to do some interviews for employees at the joke shop. So there's: Florence, Glen, Lacey, Merry, and Charleigh - Ron brought them over. George dropped off Fred and Percy. And I've got Albus, James, and Lily."

"That means that there are ten of us, Mummy!" Charleigh chirped as she played with a loose tooth. Hermione smiled at her second youngest daughter, thinking about how ironic it was that she was having the same problem as Molly did with her children, only in reverse. Florence and Glen, the twins, beamed at their mother as they navigated the room to get to her.

Florence reached Hermione first and started to talk fervently before Glen arrived. "Hey Mum, guess what we found out!"

Glen leapt over her father's head and landed next to her sister. "Da told us that one of the weird boys who're staying over is a _werewolf_!" Florence nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Yeah, Mum!" she said. "And Uncle Harry also said – "

"that the other one – "

"is his – "

"_godfather_ – "

"and– "

"that he can turn into the _Grim_!"

"And also – "

"that he went to Azkaban – "

"for twelve _whole years!"_

"_And survived!_"

"Da said that he's the one and only – "

"_Sirius Black _– "

"The first person to ever escape Azkaban – "

"and live through it."

"But they also said – "

"that he died two years later – "

"along with the werewolf – "

"and that they – "

"were _together_ – "

"like you and Da are!" Glen finished breathlessly. Hermione laughed in agreement.

"Yeah, they were, but we didn't know that until a week after they went through the veil." She explained. "Professor Lupin – that's the werewolf, he was my DADA professor in third year – well anyway, Remus had left us a note telling us to go into Sirius's room and look for Sirius's old school trunk. It held their conjoined will and everything that they had been meaning to tell all of us, but never got a chance to." She looked at her husband and brother-in-law as she remembered that day.

Harry had refused to go with the four other people chosen to scour the room (Ron, Hermione, Mr. Weasley, and, surprisingly, Kingsley Shacklebolt) in favor of staying locked up in his room, talking to no one, and scarcely eating the food that Mrs. Weasley had deposited in front of his door. He had been too depressed after losing two of his last connections to his parents to do anything else.

When they got to the door Kingsley had had to use _alohomora _on it so that they could get in, and when they did the place was a pigsty. There were countless posters and pictures decorating the silvery-grey silk walls depicting such things as Muggle motorcycles and Gryffindor banners, there were even Muggle photographs of random places around Hogwarts as well as many of the students and professors from the Marauders' school years.

Boxers and other various articles of clothing littered the mahogany flooring along with several old school books, abandoned card games, board games, candy wrappers and worn-out photo albums. One of them was open to a page that was plastered with photographs of Remus and Sirius together; holding hands by the lake, eating breakfast next to each other with furious blushes on their faces, one even showed McGonagall trying to get their attention off of each others' mouths so that she could finish her lesson. Kingsley had laughed when a red-faced Ron pointed it out and stated that he remembered that day, McGonagall had apparently transfigured them into toucans just to get them to stop.

After about half an hour of fruitless searching, Mr. Weasley remembered something that Sirius had said to him once. _"I always needed to hide important things from my parents when I still lived with them, otherwise they'd have been destroyed…James helped me find a spell that I could use. It needed a password to be found, kind of like the Fidelius Charm…I've told it to Harry before, discreetly, but I didn't tell him what it was … _

_"Voilà comment je disparaître._

_"This is how I disappear._

_"Cliché, I know. But you'll understand the meaning one day, probably soon…" _Three weeks later the battle at the Ministry took place. They found the trunk and its contents; Harry finally came out of his room, and the members of the Order of the Phoenix held a ceremony in honor of their two fallen friends and comrades. Everybody moved out of 12 Grimmauld Place, even Kreacher was sent to work in the Hogwarts kitchens, the house soon fell into a state of disrepair. It had been abandoned until the Golden Trio used it as a hideaway for some months during Voldemort's rise to power, now it was uninhabited save for doxies and other magical creatures as well as Kreacher, who was now buried in the back garden.

"Can Sirius still change into the Grim?" Hermione was brought out of her thoughts as Glen looked up at her expectantly.

"Why don't we just talk about something else for once?" Harry mumbled irritably as he got off of Ron. "We've talked about this enough in the past week." Ron flicked him playfully in the side of the head.

"No we haven't," he replied cheerfully. "Hardly talked about it at all!"

"Yeah," said Harry sarcastically. "And it's helped so very much…still think you're in dreamland, Weasley?"

"If I recall correctly, it was _you_, not me, who thought that they were sleeping."

"Better then thinking I was mental with five and a half kids still to take care of."

"Touché Potter, ye may have won this round but I _will _be back!" Hermione rolled her eyes. Why on earth did she marry such an idiot? "Now c'mon kiddies, I've got to feed you before Grandmum Weasley comes back, she'll flay me alive if your tummies are even remotely empty."

Harry looked around at the nine children in the room, then at Hermione. "There's no more food here, one of the things they're shopping for, so: Floo or apparition, 'mione?"

"Apparating would be faster but I'm worried that one of the children will get splinched - "

"There's no need to fret about that, love," Ron interrupted, "they'll be in my capable hands!"

"So floo it is then!" Hermione clapped her hands together in finality and smiled. "Harry, how about you go through first with Charleigh, Albus, and Lily and wait for the others to come through?" Harry nodded and took Albus from nine-year-old Percy, who had been holding him. Lily raced forward with her cousin Charleigh, both grabbed hold of one of Harry's legs as he stepped into the emerald flames.

"Four twenty-two, Orchard Hill!" The green flared and the four family members were gone.

"Alright," said Hermione brightly, "who's next?" There was a semi-mad rush as the six remaining children tried to figure it out between them, they loved to travel by the Floo Network.

Ron laughed. "Okay, okay, settle down you lot. The fireplace isn't going anywhere." He looked over the children and realized with a shock that one of them was missing. "Hermione?" the redhead asked tentatively. "Love…d'you know where Merry is?"

"Merry?" Hermione's calculative brown eyes scanned the room, no sign of the youngest Weasley offspring in the cluttered den of the Burrow. "No, when did you see her last, Ronald?"

"When Florence and Glen were telling you about what they'd found out." He looked around worriedly for his three-year-old daughter. "Oh boy, I really, _really_, hope that she didn't wander off into the garden again…those bloody gnomes are still vicious."

Hermione looked out the window and groaned. That was exactly where the toddler had ventured.

0000OOO0000

End chapter four

Finally I finished! Sorry for the cliffhanger, it'll carry on in the next chapter. I just didn't know another way to end this one otherwise.

Thanks so much if you reviewed, it really means a lot to me.

I'll do my best to get the next one up within a ten-day marking period.

ciao, nicole

Oh, and sorry if the part in French is off, I used an internet translator.


	5. anger management

This is How I Disappear

By justification to wormtail

A/N: this chapter may be slightly melancholy; I was listening to my favorite band while writing. Err, it's going to be extremely blunt because the next chapter will be the last. :)

Disclaimer: well you must know by now that I'm not Rowling…sadly…

Begin chapter five

0000OOO0000

"Padfoot, could you turn up the stereo please?"

"Of course, Moony…"

Sirius cast a worried glance at the last surviving Marauder besides himself. His best friend. The one who completely understood him. Werewolf, anchor, everything…And seeing him like this, all depressed with tears dried and crusted on his face, it was worse than being sent straight back to his parents' house in London. And that was about as bad as catching Black Death during that great plague. For the past two and a half hours the couple had been recounting their past life.

It was amazing how much the two had been through and yet still managed to stick together until the end…or at least what they had _thought_ been the end until James had hauled them off across the sea, past all of the fishes and creatures of dank. He had brought them back to the place where they had originally fallen…the veil.

_"Why are we here?" _Remus had asked. Before the trip back to the Department of Mysteries, the four had been travelling the Americas, something that they had never gotten a chance to do while living but had always dreamed of. _"James, Lily…why here of all places?"_

James had laughed cheerfully then, elated beyond belief at something that his best mates didn't understand. Lily smiled lovingly at them. _"Because,"_ she had answered in a ghost whisper of her past voice. _"It seems that our dear Mister Prongs has had an epiphany of sorts quite recently."_

_"The most wondrous one in the history of the world!"_ the man had boomed. _"You two were too_ _young when you came here – "_ Sirius made to interrupt, but James had held up a hand to stop him. _"Lily and I were too, I know that Padfoot. But it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you and Moony aren't dead quite yet. You're in the wrong place."_

_"Go and find our son,"_ Lily laughed, _"go find Harry and tell him that we love him."_

_"With all our hearts."_

_"And send greetings to our daughter-in-law and grandchildren while you're at it!"_ The spirits embraced their friends with all the joy they could muster. _"And don't worry."_

_"We'll see each other again. The end is always just a new beginning." _

And before either Remus or Sirius could even do more than open their mouths to reply, the Potter's pushed their friends back to the world of the living. The darkness lasted only as long as if they were apparating, in mere seconds they were laying face down on the floor of the Department of Mysteries.

_"Remus…why aren't we babies again?"_

_"I don't know Sirius," _the lycanthrope had replied, he glanced around worriedly. _"But we should probably get out of here before somebody …" _the next words had died in Remus' mouth as a young woman rounded the corner. She took one look at the two boys kneeling by the archway and promptly fainted.

_"Let's go!" _Sirius hadn't needed telling twice.

0000OOO0000

"Thank you…"

Sirius was brought out of his thoughts as Remus spoke. A new song started up. One that was new from years after they fell, but that the duo had taken-to instantly. Remus leaned back on the pillows of the bed and began to softly hum along with the vocalist.

As the song faded, the Animagus crawled onto the bed and laid down next to his love. The werewolf turned on his side so that he faced the elder Black sibling.

"I miss them," Remus whispered almost silently. Sirius sighed and brought his hand up to caress the boy's cheek.

"I do too, love," he paused, thinking for a moment. "Did you ever wonder how different things could have been if I had just stayed Secret Keeper?"

"All the time…it was never out of my mind for long," Remus chewed on his bottom lip some. "But you would have died, of that I'm certain. Life was unbearable for years after that night."

Sirius nodded glumly. "I still wish that Peter hadn't succumbed to Voldemort. I had honestly thought that he was stronger than that…else he wouldn't have been in Gryffindor." He chuckled bitterly. "At the age of twenty-one, I was still as foolish as if I were eleven. I had thought that only Slytherins could be pureblood maniacs and betray their best friends."

"It's easier to give in to fears rather than to stand-up for what you believe in," said Remus as he curled up to Sirius. "My father taught me that after my mother left." He sighed deeply closed his eyes. "Do you remember our first day of classes?"

"Moony, we've already been over this. Twice."

"Once more never hurt anybody."

"It hurts when it makes you remember things that can never be again…"

"Not all memories are bad ones, Padfoot." Sirius nuzzled and kissed the top of Remus' head.

"You're right, but they can be painful."

"Acknowledging something is the best way to get around it."

"Most of the time, yes, that's true…but at other instances time itself is needed to heal a wound." Following this statement was a long stretch of content silence, each boy musing on how life could have gone. "Sometimes," started Sirius. He paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to articulate his thoughts. "Sometimes I wonder why James and Lily didn't choose one of themselves to be Secret Keeper."

Remus frowned up at the boy. "Is that even possible?" he asked softly.

"Yes."

"Didn't you tell them?"

"I thought that they already knew…"

"You didn't even bring it up while discussing switching?"

"I had forgotten about it completely by then."

The two sighed simultaneously. "Well…fate is inexorable…"

Sirius laughed heartily. "Just like you to quote at a time like this, Moony!" Said boy smacked the other playfully on the arm.

"Just like you to use my nickname at a time like this, Padfoot!"

Their laughter was short-lived though, as Sirius bent down and tenderly kissed Remus on the lips. They hadn't heard the voice that called up to them and they didn't hear the thuds of an adult running up the multiple staircases. They were still attached when –

"_REMUS! SIRIUS!_" Harry burst into the room, instantly regretting not knocking.

0000OOO0000

"What do you mean again?"

"Well, when she was learning to walk, she would always find her way out there and kind of…try to play with the gnomes. They would get really irritated and attack her."

Sirius winced in empathy. He knew what it was like to be bitten by the little creatures while young. It was one of the many things that Kreacher did to him while in a sour mood. "Hasn't she gotten the message yet?" he asked with a scowl.

"Apparently not, Padfoot," Remus muttered from behind the Animagus. The three males were making their way downstairs to the sitting room where Lily and Charliegh waited with Albus. As they entered the room, the fire flared a bright green and Molly stepped forward, lips tightly pursed. Arthur bobbed his head to them in acknowledgement as he hobbled after his wife.

"Hello, Arthur, Molly," said Sirius brightly. "How've you two been?"

"Not now, Sirius," growled Harry through clenched teeth.

Molly patted him on the cheek distractedly. "No, no – it's alright, dear. They've got her safe and all in one bit."

Arthur stood next to Remus, leaning on his cane. "So this is what you looked like when you were eleven…I thought that you had brown hair, though."

"It changed color as I got older," the werewolf turned to the man. The years hadn't been kind to him. "Are you alright, Arthur? You look a bit peaky." Understatement of the year. All of Arthur's hair had fallen out, his skin was pallid and hanging from the bone; liver spots were in abundance and the man simply looked as though a light breeze would blow him away.

"It's nothing to fear, Remus," Arthur replied with a faint smile. "Molly's helping me get by."

"Well if you need help getting by then you can't be that we – "

The werewolf stopped abruptly, interrupted by another shouting match between Harry and Sirius. It looked as though they would start fighting the Muggle way if they weren't stopped soon.

"—trying to help!" Sirius was screaming, his grey eyes livid. "It's not like I'm going to kill them, Harry!"

"_How do I know that you're not some bloody imposter?_"

"Ask me a question! Ask me a question that only the real Sirius Black would know!"

Harry took a deep breath and looked Sirius point-blank in the eye. "_Fine._" He hissed. "What was I like towards you during my fifth year at Hogwarts?"

"_Foolish_. Beyond reason, just like now. You were completely and utterly foolish, _Potter_."

And the light at the end of the tunnel is always bright. Right? Sometimes that kind of stuff can blind a person. Like seeing colors, red for example, when they're angry beyond all reason at something. Seeing red is normal, just like seeing a rainbow after a sunny rainstorm. And that was all that Harry could see, flashing in a beam right before his eyes. Again and _again_. It didn't seem to stop. So he lashed out, it was in his nature after all, and his fist slammed into Sirius's jawbone. It hurt like anything, snapping him out of his daze. But it was Sirius's turn. _His _fist landed elsewhere. Harry was just grateful that Hermione was gifted at repairing glasses.

The other occupants of the room watched in shock as Harry howled in pain and clutched at his broken nose. They didn't move an inch as godfather and son continued to beat each other into a bloody pulp, hitting at anything within sight. It was only when Remus noticed that one of the children was whimpering that he began to take charge of the situation.

"_STOP IT YOU MORONS!" _

The werewolf threw himself into the midst of the clash, trying to force himself between the two. He eventually succeeded in putting up a magical barrier. Sirius released a stream of profanities and Remus mentally thanked Molly for shepherding her grandchildren out through the fireplace.

"You two are completely brain-dead if you think that your issues can be solved by fighting! It never worked with Malfoy, and it never worked with Snape. Why would it work now?"

"This is different," Harry spat venomously.

"How?" Remus growled at him. When an answer wasn't forthcoming, Remus sighed deeply and removed the barrier, knowing that Sirius would have settled down to simmer quietly in his head by now. "Come on Sirius, let's go home."

As the two were walking away, the werewolf picked up Sirius's faint whisper of _"and just where would that happen to be?"_

Harry stood there, not moving an inch, a statue.

0000OOO0000

End chapter five

A/N: alright, so as I said at the top, chapter six is the last one. I want to thank you if you have read this far. :) Any constructive criticism on my writing would be appreciated.

And the song that I was listening to was called Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie, I highly recommend most of their songs. Have a nice day!


	6. end

This is How I Disappear

By: well, let's just hope that you know by now…

Disclaimer: not mine, ever

A/N: this is the end, so thanks if you reviewed, put this on your favorites or alert list, or just clicked on the name of the story and read. :D

The normal print is what happened as the year's progress. The italics are what happened after the fight between Harry and Sirius and is more recent.

Begin chapter six

0000OOO0000

"_It's too fucking difficult, Remus!"_

_A light touch on the arm._

"_Yesterday had a meaning, Moony, I know that it did."_

"_Lily and James are probably stirring in their graves as we speak…"_

"…_I know…"_

0O0

"Hagrid."

"Yeh, Loony?"

"They didn't get off. They asked me to send their apologies to the Headmaster and to send an owl to the Potter and Weasley families."

"Bu—bu why wouldn' they come ere?"

Luna shrugged, muttering something about the past being realized.

Hagrid didn't pay attention though, instead focusing his brain on the real reason as to why the two people that he had been looking forward to seeing again most in the world had disappeared.

"Where'd they go?"

The woman stopped talking mid-sentence to look up at the half-giant with a hazy expression set in her grey eyes.

"They wouldn't say."

0O0

"_Mum asked me to tell you that dinner's on the table. She also said that if you want, she can bring some up for you two later…"_

_Remus smiled tentatively at the barely open wooden door. Apparently the other children learned about what happened the other day._

"_Thank you, Glen. We'll be down in five minutes."_

_The door snapped shut._

"_See?"_

_A sigh._

"_Sirius, this has nothing to do with what you said."_

0O0

"God-fucking damnit!"

"_Harry!_"

"Ginny, I honestly don't care if the kids can hear me right now."

"But—"

"But nothing. Two years have gone by already."

"So…?"

"It means that they're not coming back."

"How can you be so sure?"

0O0

"_It's been made quite obvious that we aren't wanted here anymore."_

"_I hope that you don't mean what you seem to, we have nowhere to go, Sirius. Dumbledore is dead, McGonagall went missing around six years ago—"_

"_THAT'S IT!"_

"_What? I'm sorry, Padfoot, but isn't that a bit extreme or at least a bit too complicated?"_

"_No, not in the least."_

"_So how are you suggesting that we do this, then?"_

"_We go. Just like she did."_

"_Love, I'm not too sure that she just went off on a holiday."_

"_She might've, Remus. She could have just gotten fed up with everything."_

"_Or been kidnapped and murdered."_

_Now Sirius exhaled._

"_Remus, we've been over this already. No matter what, it'll still go down to the same thing: Are you in, or aren't you? I've made my decision, make yours by tomorrow, before the Express leaves."_

0O0

"I can't believe that it's been four years already."

"They all mold together after some time."

"Don't speak like that, Arthur! It makes me worry."

"Any more then you should be? I'm in St. Mungo's again, love."

Molly busied herself with tucking her husband into the stark-white bed sheets.

"The time's got to be soon." She heard him murmur.

"I just wonder how they're faring out there." He heard her whisper back.

0O0

"_I'm in."_

_The Animagus's face split into a wide grin as he paused in his packing._

"_Excellent!"_

"_But that doesn't mean that I approve."_

"_Then why do it?"_

"_Because I love you."_

0O0

"I miss them."

"_Still?_"

"It's been six years, I'm allowed!"

"You barely even knew the people, Florence!"

"And what, you were bestest buddies with them, Glen?"

"Stop being so mean to each other, you guys."

"Shut up, James!"

"Stupid twins."

0O0

"_Do you two want anything from the trolley?" James asked as he held a pumpkin pasty out to the werewolf and Animagus sitting across from him._

_Sirius smiled. "No thanks."_

_Glen shrugged. "Suit yourselves." And snatched the sweet from her cousin's outstretched hand._

_Florence rolled her eyes. "So where d'you two think you'll end up this time round?"_

"_It depends on what you mean by that."_

_Remus didn't look away from his window._

0O0

"Eight years."

"They aren't coming back."

"I know, Hermione. I just wish that we didn't have to be so negative about it all."

"Oh Ron, I just wish that they'd get to meet Patrick."

"And say goodbye to Dad."

The baby sitting in Hermione's lap gurgled and looked up at his parents.

He sniggered and gave a gummy grin.

"Puppy!"

Ron and Hermione exchanged a glance.

0O0

"_We're here." Remus had his head on Sirius' lap; the others didn't know how he knew their position with his eyes closed._

"_I've got to go use the toilet," Sirius announced abruptly. Remus sat up to let his mate leave the compartment. He went back to staring out the window._

"_Well, this is it," James tried to fill the silence. "Hogwarts. It's now or never."_

"_For what?" asked Glen curiously._

_Florence didn't look away from Remus as she answered._

"_If we leave now we won't be able to come back."_

"_Why's that?"_

"_Because the train moves on. Like life. It's always moving."_

0O0

"Ten years."

"Do you still trust me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You're my best friend, my mate…we're in this together you know."

"I know."

"There's no turning back now anyway, we're twenty-one already."

"You look exactly the same, Remus…"

The werewolf blushed and looked down at Sirius' hand. "You ready to do this?"

"I was ready ages ago, we just weren't allowed."

"Will we ever see them again?"

Sirius smiled up at the clouds over their heads as Remus continued to look at him fretfully. The Animagus played with the ring on his finger.

"Of course, love. They're our family. I just need some more time, give it another couple of years."

Remus stayed silent, worrying his bottom lip as he thought about what would eventually come to pass.

0O0

"_And here's the letter that we wrote to them, send it as soon as you can."_

"_Alright. Are you two positive that you want to do this?"_

_Without any hesitance, Sirius nodded his head. Remus took one look at him and followed suit._

"_We need to."_

"_Alright," Luna repeated, sighing. "And I suppose that you're not going to tell me where you're headed to?"_

_Sirius smiled lightly and shook his head. "Can't tell a soul."_

"_We need time to think," Remus added quietly. "Tell everybody we're sorry."_

"_Will do Professor."_

0O0

"Where are they?!"

"Don't know, Lily-love," James answered with a shake of his head as he skimmed over an article in his grandson's Quidditch magazine.

"And how can we not find them? We can go anywhere we want and not be seen, it's like we're in a permanent invisibility cloak!"

"Not to mention we don't have to breathe."

"Oh now this is just getting silly! They can't just up and disappear for twelve years without telling us!"

"Well it's my understanding that it's relatively hard to speak to somebody who you can't see."

"Oh shut it, you."

James shrugged, non-pulsed.

"Just stating the facts, dear," he said. "Ah, look here, there's a lovely pair of gloves half-off—only one galleon and—"

"_GIVE ME THAT RUDDY MAGAZINE!!_" Lily snatched _Quidditch Weekly _from her husband's hands and ripped it down the middle before throwing it to the floor and stomping it into the carpet.

James stared at it for ten minutes before looking up at his wife pathetically. "Did'ja really have to do that?"

0O0

"_Well I reckon that nobody'll ever guess that we chose to live here." Sirius smiled broadly at the pub nestled in the town center of Godric's Hollow. He looked down at Remus as he put an arm around his shoulders. Five months had passed since they decided not to re-enter Hogwarts, and the two boys had shot up like weeds._

"_You want to go inside, don't you?" Remus asked dryly. Sirius nodded happily. "Well I don't think that they'll let us, we still look too young to be allowed."_

"_D'you want to go see the graveyard then?"_

_It took a moment for Remus to answer, "if you want to. It'll be lovely to see Lily and James again though."_

0O0

So there we have it, it's been fourteen years. All over again.

I suppose that the pain, if that's what you want to call it, still hurts sometimes…but I know that I deserve it, after what I did to them and all.

I keep wondering what my parents would think if they knew about this entire ordeal. Would they be mad at me, or at Sirius? Possibly even Remus for running away with Sirius, instead of facing his problems. Then again, I suppose that they didn't really have a choice. It was all my fault anyway, just like the first time, although this time it was more direct.

The years have been long and restless.

They've missed so much because of me and my blasted stubbornness.

I bet that they wanted us to be a family again, and now they'll probably never be able to get that.

They left. And it was all because of me.

I doubt that anything'll ever compare to how they felt about my betrayal. Even I still need to come to full terms with it. They really do love me as much as they love each other and my parents. Because of myself I lost the only true parents that I still had, even if they did look like they could be my sons and probably still do.

Those two weeks were the slowest ones in my life, but just like that night in the Department of Mysteries, they were over in a beat. Looking back now, I've realized that they've blended in with the background amazingly well, especially when they're new to the age and they each turn into animals.

Fourteen years have passed once again and neither hide nor hair has been seen of those two, they're pretty much like Sirius' spell, and that was just how they had happened to disappear…

But then again, just like Sirius' school trunk, they're bound to reappear at some point - even if it takes them another fourteen years.

0000OOO0000

End chapter six

Thank you for reading! :D

-justification to wormtail


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